Thursday, January 28, 2010

Tween Boy Angst?!

Wow, I didn't think I would have to deal with any of this, ever, because I had boys. Just goes to show you what I know!

I will be the first to admit that the class of kids Carter is a part of is a good class. By that I mean, strong kids that have ideas about where they are headed. (That also comes with strong willed parents who also have ideas about where their kids are headed but I haven't had to deal with any of them yet). It was this way with the group of kids he was with at Peterson and seems to be this way across the board (including rural school kids that we are just getting to know). BUT, that can also cause problems. I just never thought Carter would have those problems.

He has a friend that came from another school. And it is a very close friend. Because they never went to the same elementary school their experiences together have been pretty close and normally just the two of them and sometime a few soccer buddies. I have gone out of my way to make sure these two have been able to spend a lot of time together.

Now that they are at the same school Carter is seeing another side of his friend that is not pleasing him at all. He feels that this friend tries hard to impress some of the kids that came with him from his elementary school. And by "impress" I mean "put down" Carter and make fun of him. CARTER! Can you imagine?!

We have had long talks about this and Carter mostly feels hurt that this friend is not valuing his friendship. And Carter has blown it off and laughed about the teasing, but he does feel it is more mean spirited now than good-natured and he is tired of it. He has made several other friends but most of his good buddies from elementary school are on a different team at school (the kids are grouped by teams and have the same set of teachers for their team--the whole sixth grade eats lunch together, but mostly doesn't see the kids on other teams).

I am stressing to him that the one thing he needs to not do is change how he acts to be more included by this friend and his group. He very much understands this and really isn't interested in being too good of friends with most of the people in this group. He just wants his good friend to start treating him better. I am hoping that by pulling away for a bit he will be able to improve some other friendships and it might make this first friend see what he is missing.

Hmmm. I was not prepared for this!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

For all the times you left a message for me that started with, "I'm so glad I have boys..." whenever I called you with middle school horror stories. Middle school is brutal, no matter who you are. And for every kid like Carter who is dealing with a friend being a butthead, there is also a kid who is dealing with a lot worse. We are lucky, and Carter's friend may find out too late that he WAS lucky, also. Just like I hope a certain Russian basketball player from Canada finds out he SHOULD HAVE BEEN SO LUCKY.